Here by Me
by CookieK2
Summary: I hope your doing fine out there without me, cause I´m not doing so good without you. 3 doors down, Here by Me
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own CSI or it´s characters.

**Spoilers:** #711 Leaving Las Vegas

**Summary:** Grissom takes his sabbatical leaving Sara behind. GSR for sure.

**A/N: **I began to write this story a few weeks ago based on spoilers for #711 Leaving Las Vegas.

A huge thanks to my beta **Come What May** for her encouragement and help! Without you there´d be no prologue and lots and lots of mistakes ;-)

Enjoy!

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**Here by Me**

Prologue:

_Waking up Grissom felt something wasn't quite right. He was in his bedroom, in his house, but something was missing. _

_Turning around he found the space next to him empty, only cold sheet greeting his searching hand. Where was Sara? They'd gone to bed together earlier and usually she slept longer than he did. Ironic, considering everybody thought of Sara as the woman who could stay awake for three days straight without sleeping at all. _

_So where had she gone? A slight feeling of panic immediately gripped his heart. Had she left him? Had she become fed up with his constant mood swings? Had she woken up, seen the wrinkled on his face and the bags under his eyes and realised that he was too old for her?_

_A strange sound coming from the living room caught his attention and Grissom finally got up, not fully awake yet. Maybe she couldn't sleep and went to the living room to watch TV. _

_He didn't bother to turn the light on, making his way down the hallway in the dark. Silence had fallen over the townhouse once again, but it didn't feel like the usual silence when everybody was asleep. No, this was different. This was like the silence that sometimes greeted him at a crime scene. _

_Reaching the living room he discovered the TV and light off, and the couch empty. If Sara wasn't here where had that sound come from?_

_The moonlight falling in through the window only illuminated part of the living room but Grissom could make out the outlines of something, sitting on his coffee table. _

_Carefully he made his way over, grabbing a flashlight from the cupboard next to him and turning it on. _

_The bright light let him see what he'd missed until now. A model. A miniature copy of his townhouse. And there was blood. A lot of blood. Not only in the miniature living room he looked at now, but also on the floor. He was standing in a puddle of blood. _

_Turning the flashlight towards the ground his breath caught in his throat. Sara. Sara lying in a pool of blood, stab wounds all over her body. And a baby in her arms, also covered in blood._

_Now, it couldn't be. He couldn't have gotten to them. He just couldn't. The flashlight hit the ground with a thud and Grissom dropped to his knees next to Sara, taking her cold, lifeless hand in his. . _

„_No, no, no ,no..."He murmured. „No." _

„Gil? Gil, honey, wake up."

He slowly opened his eyes, the words still on his tongue. What had happened? His body felt sticky and he was sitting up in bed, with Sara next to him, stroking his back soothingly.

„Ssh, it was just a bad dream. Come here."

She pulled him back down to lay next to her and began to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

„Everything is okay. It´s going to be okay." She whispered, laying back down on his chest.

He took her in his arms, relishing in the feel of her against him.

She was right it had just been a bad dream. But nothing was going to be okay. He needed a break.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Again thanks to **Come What May**!_  
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_It´s been seven hours and fifteen days, since you took your love away...- Sinead O´Connor „Nothing compares to you"_

Part1:

It was her first night off since he´d left town and she´d never felt so lonely in her entire life. Sure, she´d lived alone for years before he finally got around to asking her out. Then for a few month more while they were already together but still lived in their respective apartments… but this was different. This was not her old apartment. This was not a place she´d moved into alone, this was their house, the house they´d bought for their _family_. And for the first time his absence really began to set in for her although he´d been gone for two weeks now.

She´d worked most of the time, just to not have to come home to an empty house and -- even worse-- to an empty bed. And the times she actually had off she´d gone either out with one of her colleagues which she hadn´t done in a long time or she slept – on the couch- until she had to get ready for work again. It was a good thing she tired out so easily now.

She looked at the clock for the ninth time since she woke up and let out a growl. It was only eleven p.m.; shift had only just begun, her colleagues were probably all out at a scene somewhere now, and Grissom would probably be asleep, now being on a „normal" schedule with the lecturing and all.

How had they ended up like this? She, alone at their home, and he, halfway across the country at a hotel.

It had all begun some time ago, around the time the serial-killer cases started. The miniature models of the crime scenes had bothered him more than he´d let on at first, but she´d felt something was wrong even though she didn´t call him on it. He would tell her what bothered him sooner or later, or at least that was what she´d thought. But then he didn´t. He just kept on pretending that everything was alright, that his occasional migrane was the factor for his mood swings.

And then one night she´d told him at work she wouldn´t wait up for him. There was no point to it anyway, he was in one of those closed-off moods, and she just didn´t want to deal with another evening of him sitting on the couch while she went to bed early, lying awake for hours until he followed her and then pretending she was already asleep.

But that night when he came to bed, he took her in his arms from behind and pulled her close, rousing her gently from what he thought was a deep sleep.

„Honey?" He whispered, his mouth buried in her hair.

„Mmh?"

„I got a job offer."

He felt her stiffen in his arms, but didn´t add anything for the time being, waiting until she turned in his arms.

„Where?" She asked quietly.

„I get the chance to lecture at Williams College."

She didn´t say anything, she just looked at him patiently until he cracked.

„I think I´m going to take it."

_What was there to say to that? Great Grissom, congratulations?_ He was going to take a job halfway across the country, away from her, away from everything they´d built for themselves...

„You want to leave me?" She wanted to sound impassive so badly, but it just didn´t work. Her voice was thick with sadness.

„No, Sara...no honey. I´d never leave you," He soothed quickly, squeezing her gently and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, „I´d only go for a few weeks...or month maybe. Then I´ll be back."

Relief flooded her. He wouldn´t leave her...well, at least not permantently...but still it stung.

„What about..." Her hands flew protectively to her belly.

„I know Sara, but if I don´t leave now... Sara, I´m burning out. I can´t do my job anymore. I can´t handle myself anymore. I´m a wreck. And if I don´t do this now, I won´t be good partner for you much longer, let alone a good father for..." He covered the hand on her belly with one of his own, „…this baby."

It took time for his words to sink in, but in the end she understood. She´d seen the change in him over the last few months. And he was right, he was burning out.

„As long as you´re going to be okay." She finally whispered, a tear escaping her eye before she could turn away. She hated for him to see her this weak.

„I´ll call every day.I wouldn´t last a day without hearing your voice," He wiped the tear away softly with his thumb. „I love you."

She´d brought him to the airport five days later, feeling as if this was the end.

She´d hugged him tightly as his flight had been called and pressed a desperate kiss to his lips.

She wanted to scream at him, to tell him that he was doing the wrong thing, that she didn´t want him to leave, not now. But she kept her mouth shut.

No words were said as he left her standing there alone, but they both knew what the other had wanted to say. This was probably going to be the hardest thing they´d ever done in their lives.

TBC

A/N: Reviews are always greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thanks to all of those who reviewed!It really means a lot to me!

And thanks again to **Come what may** for the beta!

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_I hope you´re doing fine out there without me, ´cause I´m not doing so good without you...- Three doors down „Here by me"_

Part 2:

The halls of the university were crowded as Grissom made his way towards room 112 where he was supposed to start his lecture on entomology in about an hour.

He had not slept well that night, partly because of the noisy hotel guests in the room next to his and partly because he just couldn´t sleep alone anymore. It was strange. He´d slept alone for years before he and Sara finally started dating, but he´d gotten so used to her warm body next to his that now he couldn´t sleep without her soft breath in his ear.

Sighing he opened the door to the room and closed it behind him again, savouring the silence that greeted him. Setting up the materials he´d use for the lecture would give him time to think. Not that he hadn´t had time to do exactly that enough during the last two weeks, but still...

He hadn´t thought it would be this hard to leave Sara. He loved her, sure, but still it was new to him how much pain it could cause to be away from her. The only time they´d been seperated for more than a day since they´d started their relationship had been when Sara and Nick worked a case away from Vegas. But that had been different. They hadn´t lived together back then, he knew she would be back in a few days and what was most important, Sara hadn´t been pregnant back then.

He sighed again. He´d decided to leave before he even knew about the pregnancy and when they´d found out it had only delayed telling her about his decision, not made him rethink it completely.

He knew he had to leave. He had to get control over his life again and he couldn´t do that in Vegas. But the timing was the worst and he knew Sara felt abandonned by him and probably thought he was retreating because of the new development in their relationship.

And maybe she was right, at least partly. The news that they would soon be parents had shook him to the core. They´d never talked about starting a family and to be honest he didn´t have the desire to become a father anytime soon. She´d probably seen that in his reaction, which was, not really talking about the issue. He´d only mentioned his thoughts about the baby and not being a good parent to it in the state he was in right now when he´d told her about his plans. He shook his head at himself, he should have handled the situation better. Well maybe he could show her how much he really cared when he called her later. She would have her first check-up today. He considered calling her now, before her appointment to tell her how sorry he was for not being able to be there, but decided against it at the first students already began to filter in. It would have to wait until after the lecture.

„Sidle."

„Hey honey, it´s me."

It hurt to hear his voice and know that he was too far away for her to hold.

„Hey." She whispered into the phone, cradling it to her ear.

„How was your day?"

„As always, lots of questions to answer, lots of students to bore. How was your appointment?"

„Interesting. We obviously miscalculated the time of the conception."

He could tell by her voice that Sara was nervous.

„Oh?"

„Yeah, I´m apparently in my fourteenth week."

A gasp escaped Grissom before he could surpress it. She was in her fourteenth week...they´d thought maybe her sixth or seventh, but fourteen weeks...

The silence between them stretched, as Grissom didn´t kow how to respond. How could it be that they hadn´t noticed until recently? They were trained investigators for God´s sake, so what did this say about them?

„Gil?" The insecurity in her voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he realised that he probably wasn´t the only one in shock here.

„Yeah, I´m still here...It´s just...wow."

„Yeah I know what you mean." She didn´t sound happy.

„So, is everything okay? With the baby I mean?" God, why was this so hard for them?

_Well Gil, maybe because you are seperated from your girlfriend by a whole continent and you left her alone although she is pregnant._

„Yeah, everything is alright. Dr. Ross made an ultrasound and prescribed me some prenatal vitamins."

„Good...Look Sara, I need to go now, I should prepare the lecture for tomorrow and you probably have to get to work soon anyway. So, I´ll call you tomorrow?" He knew he was acting like an asshole, but he just couldn´t deal with this right now.

„Yeah sure." She couldn´t hide her dissappointment. She´d expected him to react this way, but still...

„Bye Honey."

„Bye...I love you." But he´d already hung up.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **A little fluff for the holidays ;-) Hope you like it!

Thanks to **Come what may **for the beta!!!

_I could feel you, you were there_

_I could hold you, but you´re not there._

_But I´m, I´m gonna wait... - Chantal Kreviazuk „I just want you to know" _

Part 3:

„Hard case, huh?"

Sara´s head snapped up. She hadn´t heard Catherine entering the locker room.

„Yeah." She agreed quietly, turning her head away. Her co-worker didn´t have to see the state she was in.

„Want to go out for a drink? My treat."

Even if she could have drank that night she would have declined.

„No thanks. I´ll just go home and get some sleep." Sara answered politely, smiling weakly at Catherine. „See you tonight."

„Okay, maybe some other time."

Had Sara been crying? Her eyes were definetely red, but it could just be that she´d worked overtime again to solve the case. It had been hard on them all. A dead two-month-old baby with severe injuries all over the small body. All cases that involved children and in addition domestic abuse as it turned out bothered Sara, everybody knew that. But still something was different about her these days and Catherine was determined to find out what it was.

„Grissom."

„Gil, it´s Catherine. How are you."

It was only the second time Catherine had called during his leave and it surprised Grissom, considering that he hadn´t exactly told her all the reasons why he was leaving...and she wasn´t usually able to contain her curiosity.

„I´m fine, thanks for asking. Everything okay back home?"

„Yeah, I guess so, except..." There was no point in beating around the bush, „...I´m a bit worried about Sara." She hold her breath waiting for his reaction.

„Sara? Why?" He tried to sound nonchalant.

„She has been a bit off for some time now, I can´t really put my finger on it but I think something´s bothering her. And I think I caught her crying in the locker room today." Grissom could hear the worry in Catherine´s voice. Even if she and Sara didn´t always get along she still cared about her co-worker.

„Are you sure?" He couldn´t help the worry sneaking into his own voice.

„She wouldn´t look at me and when she did her eyes were red, so yeah I´m sure."

„Well..." he didn´t know what to tell her. To his colleagues he and Sara were still only employer and employee, nothing more. He couldn´t express his real concern for her.

„You know how Sara gets sometimes emotional over cases. Just give her some time to decompress and see how she behaves tonight, if she´s still off try to talk to her." He finally advised. He wondered if it was really only a case that bothered her or if his reaction from the day before had something to do with it also. God, he was such an idiot sometimes.

„Why thanks Grissom,I wouldn´t have thought about that myself." Catherine mumurred sarcastically. She didn´t know what she´d expected when she called him but he and Sara had seemed closer before he´d left so she thought he might know what bothered her. Apparently she had been wrong.

„Anyway, gotta go again, need to get some sleep before Lindsey gets home. Have you decided when you´ll come back yet?"

„No, not yet, we´ll see. Bye Cath."

He certainly wasn´t one for small talk.

Opening her inbox Sara was surprised to find she had an e-mail from Grissom.

_Sara, _

_I´m sorry for my behaviour on the phone yesterday. I don´t know what had gotten into me. You know how I get when I feel I can´t handle a situation and yesterday I just felt overwhelmed by what you told me. I didn´t mean to be abrupt and insensitive, I just didn´t know what to say. _

_The situtation we and particularly I am in is so very complicated, even without the pregnancy. I don´t know what to do. On the one hand I want to be there for you, I want to come with you to your check-ups and I feel guilty for not having been there for the first ultrasound. But on the other hand I know I can´t be there right know, because I need to be here at the moment. I need the break from our job, I need to be away from Vegas and inevitably away from you to get my life back together. And I have a feeling that it will still take a while for me to get back on trek. _

_But I want you to know that I want our baby and I don´t want to lose you. _

_I love you Sara and I miss you more than I ever thought possible, Gil._

He didn´t often show emotion but when he did, he never did it halfway.

Reading the mail for a second time Sara felt the overwhelming urge to hold him. The situation was so messed up. She felt guilty for being angry at him for not being here with her now although she knew that he just couldn´t be. But the situation was just too much for her. And she knew it would soon get worse.

In a few weeks she would probably begin to show and there was no way she could hide the pregnancy any longer then. What should she tell her co-workers and friends? What should she tell Ecklie and the Sheriff?

Without Grissom there she felt lost.

Letting herself fall onto the couch Sara let out a deep sigh. They couldn´t let this time apart seperate them permanently. She had to show Grissom that he was part of her life even if he wasn´t with her right now.

Looking at the dining room table and seeing the big brown envelope on it she had an idea...

Dr.Grissom? This arrived for you today." The receptionist told him as he arrived at the hotel after his lectures that day.

„Thank you." He accepted the package she handed him, a confused look on his face. He hadn´t ordered anything and almost nobody had his address here. Except for...looking at the return adress his whole face lit up.

He made his way to his room as quickly as he could and ripped the envelope open as soon as he had closed the door. Plopping down on the couch he lifted the content out of the package. A small white card accompanied several pictures he couldn´t identify just yet.

_As you couldn´t be there yourself I thought you´d at least liked to see the pictures and assure yourself that everything is alright. _

_We miss you, but we´ll wait for you no matter how long it takes. _

_Love, Sara (and little Grissom) ;-)_

She´d sent him sonogram pictures? He carefully put the card aside to look at the black and white photographs using all his medical knowledge to decipher what he was seeing.

Although he didn´t know much about sonograms, Doc Robbins had already taught him enough to estimate several limbs, the back and the heart. A little person. A little person he´d helped create.

He was sure the look of awe on his face wouldn´t disappear for at least a week.

Tucking two of the pictures into his wallet he made his way out again. This he had to celebrate.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **I´m so sorry it took me so long to update, but first there was Christmas and New Years Eve and now school is consuming me again. Anyway I hope you´ll enjoy this chapter!

Thanks to **Come what may **for the beta!!!

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_Ain´t no sunshine when he´s gone_

_it´s not warm when he´s away,_

_ain´t no sunshine when he´s gone_

_and this house just ain´t no home_

_anytime, he goes away – Eva Cassidy „Ain´t no sunshine"_

Part 4:

She was in a grumpy mood. Her back hurt. He´d been gone for four weeks now and she still slept on the couch.

Then yesterday Catherine had stated that this year, herself, Warrick and Nick would have Christmas off while she and Greg would be on call. It just wasn´t fair. She´d worked every Christmas since coming to Vegas and this year when she wanted it off for the first time she didn´t get it. Which meant not seeing Grissom.

And then this morning she couldn´t fit into any of her pants. So instead of being able to relax a bit longer before work and maybe take a long, hot bubble bath she was forced to go to the mall to buy clothes.

And on top of that Grissom hadn´t called in two days. He´d sent her an e-mail stating he was busy, working on a special project with some of his students. He could have called anyways. She missed his voice. How come his work was suddenly more important than her again? She´d thought they´d worked around that by now. Well obviously not.

The mall was crowded and noisy, adding to her foul mood. It wouldn´t be easy to find new clothes, that was for sure. They couldn´t look like maternal clothes. They had to look like something she usually wore but still a bit more loose fitting. So the question was: What to do about this?

After two hours of browsing around and already on the verge of tears she finally found a shop which had what she was looking for. She purchased two pairs of pants and a few tops and blouses before leaving again, already knowing she´d be late for work. Wonderful. She would have to change clothes in the locker room.

Arriving at the lab five minutes too late, Sara quickly made her way to the locker room. The others would already be at assignments so she´d be alone. Well, at least one thing worked today.

Getting out of her jeans and pulling on the black trousers she´d just bought, she noticed she´d forgotten to take her vitamins after getting up.

„Great, just great." She mumbled under her breath, pulling her shirt over her head and searching for one of the blouses in her bags. She´d need scissors to cut off the price tags. Fortunately she always had a pair of nail scissors in her locker, _if the damn thing would just open_.

Sara was getting more frustrated by the minute. Her locker door was obviously stuck and she was now ten minutes too late and still topless. She pulled at the knob, she turned the knob, she kicked the door-- the locker wouldn´t open.

With the hormones already running high and the crab day behind her, Sara couldn´t help but begin to cry. Why was the whole world against her today? Why did Grissom not call? Why did she have to face all this problems alone?

Slumbing down on the bench behind her, Sara didn´t hear Catherine entering the room.

„Sara, there you are." Her colleague approached her slowly, sensing something was wrong. Sara was sitting there on the bench, only in her bra, a blouse in her hand, head down and turned away from the door.

„Hey, what´s wrong?" Catherine sat down next to her, gently touching her shoulder.

„Nothing." The tears in Sara´s voice were audible.

Perfect, of course Catherine had to see her like this.

„Sara, tell me." Taking Sara´s chin in her hands, she slowly turned her face towards herself, now seeing for real that she was crying. „If nothing was wrong you wouldn´t sit here in the locker room, fifteen minutes after shift has started, crying."

„Just let it go." Sara whispered, getting up to pull on her top.

That´s when Catherine noticed. She´d already noticed that Sara was getting a bit rounder during the last two month or so, but she just thought it was because she ate and slept more. She had been unhealthily thin before. But this was not fat she was seeing.

„Sara..." Cath gasped in surprise before Sara could hide her belly.

Of course Catherine would notice the small bump that was forming. She should have known better than to stand up.

„Please, don´t tell anyone." Sara begged, dressing quickly. She wanted to hide this as long as possible. Maybe it would even be possible until Grissom got back.

„Why didn´t you tell us?"

„It´s complicated."

One last attempt at her locker and the door sprung open.

„Is this why you wanted Christmas off? To celebrate with the father?" Catherine asked. If she had any idea who the father was, she was good at hiding it.

„I want to visit some family." Sara lied.

„Are you and him still together?"

„Yes."

„I didn´t know you were dating someone."

„You know how private I am, after the fiasco with Hank I wanted to wait until this got more serious." Well at least part of it was true.

„And having a baby together is not serious enough?" Catherine asked incrediously.

„I told you, it´s complicated. Please just let it go."

Sara could feel she was near tears again. She really didn´t want to talk about this, even less so with Catherine.

„Just one more question."

Sara looked up from putting her things away, waiting.

„Are you okay?" The concern in her co-worker´s voice was touching and Sara felt her eyes fill with tears once again. _Damn hormones_.

„I will be." _Once Grissom gets back_, she added in her mind.

„I´ll make sure you get Christmas off."

„Thank you...so, what have we got tonight?" Sara asked, changing the subject. This was getting a bit too touchy-feely for her liking.

„We have a hit-and-run near the strip. You ready?"

„Yeah, let´s go." Work she could do.

„Dr. Grissom, I´ve heard a lot about you already but I must say seeing you teach is much more interesting than just hearing about it." The blonde woman approached Grissom while he was packing up his things, done with his first lecture that day and facing a three hour break before the next would start.

„And who are you if I may ask?" He estimated her to be around forty, so she couldn´t be one of his students.

„I´m Professor Celia Arden. I teach anthropology." Another blonde, attractive anthropoligist, exactly what he needed.

„It´s nice to meet you." He said politely, shaking her hand.

„Same here. I was wondering if you might want to get some lunch in between your lectures. I have a few questions concerning a case I recently read about in a magazine and I´d love to pick an expert´s brain on this." She beamed at him and Grissom found himself immediatly comfortable with her.

„Sure, why not. Let´s go."

She lead him to a small restaurant, not far from the campus where she claimed the best steaks were being served and entertained him with stories about the other professors at the college on the way.

„I didn´t know you would be this young when I heard you were coming. All entomologists I know and have seen lectures from were at least over sixty."

Young? Grissom chuckled internally. Young was not something that came to his mind when looking in the mirror.

„I take that as a compliment." He winked at her. „So you´ve been working here for quite a while I guess."

„Yeah, more than three years now. I originally come from L.A., but was offered the job here immediately after I finished my doctorate. Quite a change in scenery but now I couldn´t imagine a better place to live and work. What about you? What brings you here Dr. Grissom? You are from Vegas, right?"

„Call me Gil," he smiled at her politely, „and yes I am indeed from Vegas, but...I don´t know. I just needed a break from my usual job. Working as a CSI can really be hard on you sometimes and I´ve been working for at least ten years without a real break from it. So, when I got offered the job here I took it." Why was he being so honest with her? Maybe it was because he was in a completely different city and she was more or less a stranger. Or maybe he just needed someone to talk to who didn´t work in his profession for a change.

„Oh, I can imagine that. Must be hard to work as a CSI and see all those gruesome crimes. I´m only confronted with murder and stuff when I´m called into a lab to consult on a case and that´s honestly already enough for me." She smiled at him again, „So, you like it here or do you miss Vegas?"

He considered that question. Did he really miss Vegas? No. Did he miss his job? Sometimes. Did he miss Sara? Definetely.

„Not Vegas exactly, the city can be a bit much for me sometimes. But I miss home," he admitted, images of Sara on his mind. God, what he´d do to just sit here with her right now. Not that Professor Arden wasn´t a nice woman. He really liked talking to her.

„What about you? Do you miss L.A.?"

„Not the city, but my family. My sister and my mom still live there and it´s kind of hard only seeing your family once or twice a year." She answered sincerely. „Do you have family in Vegas?" Her curiosity immediately reminded him of Catherine.

„No." A_t least not yet,_ he added in his mind, smiling to himself.

„So, you´re not married?"

„No." _Again, not yet._ His smile grew and Celia smiled back at him, not realising he didn´t smile as an attempt to respond to her flirting.

„Listen Gil, tomorrow their is this gathering of some profs of the college and a few guest lecturers and I was wondering if you´d like to go there."

„Sure." At least he´d get to meet some more of his colleagues.

„Great. Shall I come pick you up? The restaurant where we meet is a bit outside of the city and I guess you do not have a car, do you?"

„No I don´t, that´s very nice of you to offer. Shall I come here to the university and you pick me up here?"

„Sure. Let´s say at seven?"

„Good." He smiled again. „So now, tell me about that article you read."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thanks to you all for the great reviews! I´m sorry if the updates take so long, but school is taking up a lot of my time at the moment :-(

Thanks to **Come what may** for the beta :-) _  
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_Pack up all my cares and woes,_

_feeling low,_

_here I go_

_Bye, bye blackbird – Joe Cocker „Bye, bye blackbird"_

Part 5:

Catherine stayed true to her promise. Sara got Christmas off and decided

to surprise Grissom with a visit. He´d been gone for two month now and it was definitely time for them to talk. In person. She needed him back soon.

Now in her twenty secondth week she could barely hide her growing belly anymore. It was good she was so small. The only one who really knew was Catherine and the guys probably had their suspicions but didn´t say anything, probably fearing to hurt her in case she just had weight-issues.

Sara laughed to herself. And they called themselves successful CSIs...But she had to admit her choice in clothes was clever and she wore coveralls and labcoats most of the time when they saw her, so she had to cut them some slack.

Of course when she arrived at the airport on Christmas morning, her flight was two hours delayed which didn´t do anything to quench her nervousness. And she was nervous. She hadn´t seen Grissom in so long, they didn´t talk regularly anymore. What if she arrived and he wasn´t there. Maybe he celebrated Christmas with one of his colleagues and his or her family.

But he would have told her that, wouldn´t he? Maybe he wouldn´t, being afraid that it would remind her that they would spent their second christmas as a couple apart.

Sara let out a long sigh. What if he didn´t want to see her? She doubted it, considering he always told her how much he missed her, but still...Maybe he just did that to keep her satisfied.

She hated the fact that all the doubts she´d buried so long ago arised once again now.

As long as Grissom had been with her she´d known he loved her. Just from the look in his eyes she´d known she was as important to him as he was to her. They´d both left their insecurities behind once they´d talked their past through. The relationship that developed was one of trust and love, not one of doubt and pain as it seemed to have become since he´d left.

Exhaustion from last night's shift and from a restless sleep the few hours afterwards made Sara fall asleep as soon as she was seated on the plane, fortunately next to an old lady, who didn´t seem to be much of a talker herself.

She woke up when the plane was landing, gasping at the beautiful white landscape that greeted her eyes. She hadn´t seen snow in a very long time, but she´d always liked it. When she´d been younger, her aunt had once taken her skiing. She hadn´t been very good at it, but still it had been fun. She even kept a photo of herself holding a snowboard as a little girl in her locker.

She looked at her watch. 2 p.m. which meant Grissom was probably still at the university. He´d told her he wanted to finish up an experiment before the holidays.

Fortunately the airport wasn´t as crowded as it had been in Vegas so she got her baggage quickly and made her way over to the rental car station.

It would take her some time to get from Boston to Williamstown. Would he still be at the campus later? She decided to just try it out. If she didn´t find him there she would just drive to his hotel which he´d told her wasn´t far from the college.

Traffic was light but Sara had to stop twice on the way due to little Grissom´ sitting on her bladder and the craving for chocolate ice cream.

She made it to the campus by four p.m., the butterflies in her stomach swirling around. In a few minutes she would probably see Grissom again. How would he react?

It occured to her that Catherine could have already told him about her taking Christmas off which would ruin the surprise, since he would know that she would come to visit him.

After parking, Sara got out of the car quickly and made her way over to the massive main building of the university. As she was just halfway across the yard in front of it, the main doors opened and she could hear laughter. Grissom´s laughter. She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw him and a blonde woman exit the building.

„And when professor Duncan did that belly-dancing thing on the table...God, he must have had a serious hang-over the next day." The blonde spoke while they made their way over the yard slowly.

„That will probably stay the highlight of that evening for me." Grissom smiled at her openly, touching her arm softly.

„Look..., what are you doing tonight?"

„My sister is coming, her plane should land in an hour or so. Would you like to come too? There´s always lots and lots of food and she wanted to bring her boyfriend who is a CSI II in L.A. so you´d definetely find a theme to talk about." The woman smiled back at him flirtatiously.

Sara´s heart sank. He hadn´t told her about any woman he had befriended here, but he seemed to be very close to her...

„I don´t know. I don´t want to invade your festivities."

„No Gil, I´m serious, you can come if you´d like...then they won´t have a reason to pick on me because as always I´m partner-less."

„They could still pick on you, I´m not your partner." Grissom stated teasingly.

„Can´t a girl pretend?" Celia asked playfully. „You have to admit, you are a catch..."

He laughed at her. „Sure, the only women who seem to think so are you and my girlfriend."

At the mention of her Sara breathed again. So she knew that he was in a relationship...

For the first time since having left the building Grissom looked up over the yard and gasped.

He hadn´t known she was coming.They hadn´t talked about what they were doing during the Christmas holidays and now she was standing there in front of him, in her long, black coat, a scarf wrapped around her throat and a hat on her head. Beautiful.

„Sara." He breathed. Forgetting he still was in company he made his way over to her quickly, envelopping her in a fierce hug.

„What are you doing here?" He whispered, totally overwhelmed.

„I missed you." Sara answered simply, leaning back slightly to look him in the eyes. „Spending Christmas alone is just no fun."

Instead of replying Grissom just took her head in his hands and kissed her softly. God, he´d missed her.

A discreet cough interrupted their reunion as Celia stepped up to them.

„So I guess you won´t be spending Christmas with us?" She asked, her voice friendly but somehow strained.

Grissom looked at her sheepishly, stepping back a bit, but sliding his hands down Sara´s arms to entwine their fingers.

„Well...no." He answered simply, smiling apologetically at Celia.

„Hey, I´m Celia, you must be Sara." The blonde held out her hand for Sara to shake and she took it, returning the greeting.

„Well, I need to get going. See you tomorrow Gil." And with that she turned and made her way over to the parking lot.

„You´re working tomorrow?" Sara asked, disappointment seeping into her voice. She´d hoped they could spent the time they had together.

„Actually no, Celia and I wanted to have dinner tomorrow." He answered, looking sheepish.

„Oh." He could see Sara wasn´t happy about his new friend. And who could blame her? He would be jealous as hell if she suddenly had a new male friend.

„I can cancell it," he told her reassuringly.

„No, that´s okay." She didn´t want to sound bitchy, but she couldn´t help it. Well, at least she could blame it on the hormones. Turning around and extricating herself from Grissom´s grip, Sara made her way back to her rental car.

„Sara...Sara look at me."

Grissom gripped her arm and turned her around slowly, taking her chin in his hand so she would look at him.

„She is just a friend and I thought it would be nicer to at least have something to do during the holidays, than sit in my hotel room, totally depressed because you weren´t there." He stroked her cheek softly, hoping she would get the message.

„I´m sorry." She finally whispered, sighing. „Blame it on the hormones and on the fact that I haven´t seen you in two months and missed you like hell."

He bent down and kissed her softly one more time before taking her hand once again.

„Come on, let´s get you back to my room and then we can talk."

_Waking up Grissom felt something was a-miss. _

_He was alone in his bed - well in his hotel room bed which wasn´t unusual, but still, something was missing. Sitting up he tried to remember what it was that had him feeling like something wasn´t right. _

_Sara, the thought shot through his head almost to quickly for him to grasp it. Sara had come by. She was visiting him for Christmas.They´d fallen asleep together. But the bed next to him was empty. _

_The sheets were cold also, which meant she´d been gone for a while._

„_Sara?" He called out, getting up to make his way over to the small living room and kitchenette that his hotel room housed. _

_No answer came forward and Grissom began to feel uneasy._

_Sara didn´t know where to go. She had never been to Williamstown, except for the way to and from the college she knew nothing about this area, she wouldn´t have gone out on her own. _

_That was when he heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom._

„_Sara?" He called out again, making his way to the bathroom quickly and pushing the door open. _

_He could hear the shower running but the only thing that he really registered was the blood. So much blood on the floor and on the walls._

_And blood in the bathtube. Blood soaking Sara´s clothes, covering her body which lay lifelessy in the tube, her eyes wide open, her throat slit. _

„_No." He whispered, sinking to his knees, his pants being soaked in blood immediatly. „No, no, no,no ,no..."_

Grissom woke up coated in sweat, arms wound tightly around Sara who was still sleeping peacefully.

It was just another nightmare. He hadn´t had one since coming here. He thought he was over it.

Taking deep, calming breathes Grissom tried to slow down his violently thrumming heart.

Sara was next to him, she was alive. That was all that mattered.

He slowly loosened his hold on her, but still kept her in his arms, needing the reassurance that she was okay. That _they_ were okay.

He looked down at the blanket where it was covering her growing belly. He had been surprised that she was already showing and still able to hide it from the team.

Their secret would soon be out and he didn´t know how to feel about it. It was still not really real to him that they were going to have a baby.

But the evidence of the life growing inside her was right under his hand and obviously wanted for him to know that it was real.

„It´s kicking the whole time since I got here." Sara had told him when he´d first laid his hands over her belly that evening in bed.

„You really don´t want to know the gender?" Grissom had asked. It felt weird to refer to the baby as it´.

„No, I want it to be surprise." She´d told him, her voice determind so that he didn´t even think about arguing with her on the point.

If he had been there for the ultrasound or any of her appointments at her OB/GYN he was sure they would have already talked about the topic and decided together if they wanted to know. As it was she´d decided on her own and he had to live with the decision. Not that this particular one bothered him that much, but it once again showed him that he should be there. Just like the movement of the baby. She´d felt it for weeks and although she´d immediatly called him to tell him about that new stage in her pregnancy he felt like he was missing out. He felt it moving now, under his hand, but it was not the first movement and that saddened him.

And what was more: he didn´t even know when he´d be back in her – their – life full-time. He knew he was not ready to go back to Vegas and his old job yet. The nightmare had just once again shown that much. And even if he returned to Vegas soon he was not sure if he would return to CSI at all.

His burnout had shown him that being a CSI was not the right job for him anymore. Sure, he still liked the puzzle most crime scenes represented and he loved the thrill of solving a case... but at what cost?

He risked his life in his line of work, he had to watch helplessy while a serial killer murdered one person after the other and tormented the CSIs with models of his crime scenes, knowing he was smarter than the investigators. And he had to see the dark side of life everday making him question if it was right to bring a child of his own into this world.

Death had been too big of a part of his life for too long already. He needed to be alongside the living now.

Lecturing made him happy again. The weight if having to bring justice to the victims and their families was lifted of his shoulders. Now his only responsibility was to teach young people how to solve a crime, not solve it himself. It was relaxing, it was easier but it was also challenging at times at that was what made Grissom really consider the career-change.

He´d have more time for his family additionally and that could only be a good thing considering he was not the youngest anymore and having baby at fifty was probably more stressing than having a baby at thirty.

He´d have to talk to Sara about that soon.

He sighed. This was not going to be easy. So for now he was just happy watching her sleep, finally in his arms again.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thank you all for the kind reviews, I´m always happy to get feedback to my story.

And a big thanks to **Come What May **as always ;-)

Enjoy!

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Part 6:

Christmas day morning had Grissom waking up in bed alone, light already falling through the blinds into the room.

He heard faint noises coming from the kitchenette and a few minutes later Sara appeared in the bedroom again, two mugs of tea in hand.

„Merry Christmas." She anounced cheerily.

Grissom marveled at the sight of her in her flimsy nightgown through which the gentle curve of her stomach was clearly visible. She looked radiant, she looked beautiful and she was _his_.

„Merry Christmas." He replied hoarsly, his voice still thick with sleep.

„I made breakfast." Sara scooted over to the bed and set the cups down on the bedside table before wandering of again just to return with a plate full of pancakes and fruit.

„You made _pancakes_?" Grissom asked inceduliously, smelling the delicious scent of them as she carried them over to him and set plate down on his lap.

„That´s what people eat in the morning, or so I´ve heard." Sara smirked and sat down next to him on the bed, crawling under the sheets again.

„Sorry, that was stressed wrongly, I meant _you_ made pancakes?"

„Watch it Mister or I´m never making you breakfast again." She smacked his arm playfully, but he caught her hand and pulled her closer, drawing her into a deep kiss.

„Good morning," he whispered as they broke apart again, „and thanks for making me breakfast." He kissed her one more time on the forehead before letting her go again.

The pancakes were eaten in bed and afterwards they stayed there for a while, just cuddling.

This was exactly how she´d wanted to spent Chrismas Day.

„So time for gifts?" Grissom asked after a while, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over them.

„Sure."

They both got out of bed, Sara quickly pulling on a jeans and a shirt.

„Be right back."She murmured, before slipping out the hotel room´s door to retrieve his present from her rental car.

She´d thought long about what to give to him and had only decided on a gift recently after seeing an add for it on TV, during one of her sleepless mornings.

When she returned, Grissom was sitting on the couch, two cups of tea on the table in front of him and two small packets in his hands.

He stood up as Sara approached and wordlessly enveloped her in a hug.

„I´m glad you came here." He whispered, a rare show of emotion for him, which startled Sara, even if in a good way.

She pulled back to kiss him on the lips softly.

„Me too."

Curiosly she looked behind him at the packets that he had disposed on the coffee table.

„Two?" She asked, eyebrows raised. In the beginning of their relationship, when they´d first talked about Christmas, they´d decided to not go overboard with the presents as it had been important to either of them. Sara wondered if he´d be angry with her for buying a rather expensive present this year, but decided not to worry about it. He´d tell her what he thought about it soon enough.

„You´ll see," he answered vaguely, taking her hand to pull her over to the couch. „You wanna open them?"

„You got to ask?" He had to know that she would be curious as hell. Sometimes in that respect, she was even worse than Catherine...

He gave her the bigger one of the gifts, neatly wrapped in light green paper.

She unwrapped it with care, taunting him with her slow approach. She knew he wanted to see her reaction just as much as she wanted to see his present.

When it was finally unwrapped she looked up in confusion.

„_Baby´s first bug book_?" She asked incediously, laughing at his sheepish expression.

„I didn´t think it would be fair for the baby to get nothing, so I just thought...I saw it in the display of a bookstore and it just fit, so..."

She leaned forward, stopping his rambling with a tender kiss.

„You are incredibly cute when you are thoughtful." She whispered, pulling back again to tend to the second gift.

Unravelling it she found the DVD of _Love Actually_ and a card which she opened, anticipation written all over her face.

_This is a promise that, as soon as I am my normal self again, I´m going to take you on a vacation wherever you want to go._

_I love you, _

_-Gil._

She laughed at his choice of present.

„Love Actually?" She asked, her tone teasing.

„I saw you catching it on TV when it actually aired and the re-run and you once told me it was one of the few love movies you enjoyed, so I thought..." Grissom tried to explain but was caught off by her lips once again.

„So, I figure you like the gifts?"

„Very," she gave him one of her full Sidle-smiles, „your turn."

She pulled out a thick envelope from behind her, handing to Grissom.

She´d thought about the present for a long time, finally deciding it was the right thind to give to him. He´d mentioned he wanted to visit the rainforest again.

„Sara...," he gasped, pulling out the tickets, „This is incencredible."

The lady at the travel agency had convinced her that the four star hotel in Fonte Boa was family friendly and offered boat trip down the amazonas and into the thick woods of the rainforest. He´d love it there.

„The hotel we´ll be staying at is in a small city called Fonte Boa, right by the Amazonas." She announced to him and his face lit up even more.

„You are amazing," he whipsered, pulling her into a tight hug.

Next to Sara coming to Williamstown to see him over Christmas this was the best present he´d ever gotten.

„You really tape everything I say, don´t you?"

„Maybe."

The rest of the morning was spent in bed.

They´d decided not to cancel his dinner with Celia but go there together. Sara wanted to get to know the woman more, not only because she was jealous and wanted to show her that _she_ was Grissom´s girlfriend, but also to assure herself that Grissom had somebody here to take care of him if he needed it.

She knew Grissom would never cheat on her, especially now, and so she´d decided to trust him on this one and be nice to Celia, even though it still stung to know that he´d kept his new friend a secret from Sara.

Now she was standing in the bathroom of his hotel room, applying some make-up, while Grissom was getting dressed in the bedroom.

„Hey," he came into the room and wrapped his arms around her from behind, „You look nice."

„Thanks." She leaned back into him, savouring the feel of his arms around her. God how she´d missed this.

„You want to wear this?" He indicated her crimson dress, which did nothing to hide her growing belly.

„We don´t have to hide here, do we?" She asked, insecure if he wanted his co-workers to know about her pregnancy.

„Nah, I´ll just have to endure the reprimands Celia is going to throw my way as soon as she finds out I left my pregnant girlfriend alone at home."

He started kissing her neck, willing her to relax again. He knew she felt insecure about his thoughts on the baby and she had all right to be - he didn´t exactly hide the fact that this whole situation was difficult for him- but he tried to assure her that he wasn´t ashamed of her and the baby. That had never been the case.

Sara didn´t say anything to his reply, just turned around in his arms after finishing the last touches on her make-up and kissing him softly.

„I love you, you know that right?" He whispered.

„Yeah I know." She answered, kissing him once again before tugging on his hand. „Come on, let´s go, we´re going to be late."

He didn´t understand why she shied away from his declaration, but decided to let it go for now. They still had time to talk after dinner, before she had to get back to Vegas the next day.

Celia stood up from the table in the small Italian restaurant as Grissom and Sara approached.

„Hey." She shook Sara´s hand and hugged Grissom before motioning for them to sit down.

Sara felt immediately uncomfortable. Even when she and Grissom had been friends she´d never hugged him, nor did Catherine when they met.

„Did you two have a good day so far?" Celia asked.

„We did. Sara got me a journey to the rainforest for Christmas." Grissom answered, uncharacteristicly exited.

„Well, that´s nice."

„How was your evening with you family?" Grissom asked in return, pulling out a chair for Sara to sit down and seating himself next to her, while Celia occupied the chair opposite of him.

„We had way too much food for the three of us, but it was fun to see them again," Celia answered, then turning to Sara she asked, „How are you enjoying Williamstown?"

„I haven´t actually seen much yet." Sara answered honestly. „But Gil wants to take me on a tour around town after dinner."

„Well there´s not much to see here anyway."

The waitress interrupted them just then and they placed their drink orders. Looking the menu over Sara noticed there were not many vegetarian choices on it, but as Celia had picked the restaurant it was not suprising.

The waitress returned and they placed there orders, Sara having decided on a salad.

„You know they make really great lasagna here," Celia said, smiling cooly at Sara.

„I´m a vegetarian and they don´t have a meatless lasagna here," Sara shrugged.

„You know you have to watch your protein intake and all that now you´re pregnant. Being a vegetarian is not always good for the baby." Celia watched her up and down cooly. „How far along are you by the way?"

„A little over five months," Sara answered, her hand going immediatly to her protruding belly.

„Wow," turning to Grissom she added, „You leave your five-month-pregnant girlfriend alone to go on a sabbatical?"

He looked down sheepishly, „Well..."

„We talked about it and it´s the only thing we could do." Sara answered for him. Even though it was by far not the greatest thing that he was gone and had left her now, she wouldn´t let Celia make Grissom feel even more guilty.

The dinner was more or less an uncomfortable affair, with Grissom having to devide his attention between the two women and Celia posing questions that were a little to private for Sara´s liking.

Having finished their meals, Grissom excused himself to go to the restroom, leaving the two women alone for a few minutes.

„You seem to be very understanding." At Sara´s raised eyebrow Celia continued, „I mean, letting him come here for a few months although you are pregnant."

„I told you it was the only thing we knew how he could get some distance to the job." Sara felt defensive.

„Yeah, I guess it´s the best thing. And it even helped him to find a new passion. He´s very good at teaching."

„I know." Sara didn´t mention that she´d been one of his students once. No need to emphasize their age difference.

„Do you plan on switching to day shift once the baby is born?" Another probing question that made Sara feel uncomfortable. She really didn´t like this woman.

„I´m not sure, but probably not. I like the team I´m working with and I would rather be with my child over the day than at night when it´s sleeping."

„But don´t you think you´ll see Gil even less then."

„What do you mean."

„I mean, when he starts teaching full time it will be during the day and with you working nights there won´t be much time left for you two."

What the hell did that mean?  
At Sara´s confused expression Celia continued.

„He has told you that he thinks about quitting his job and teaching at UNLV or somewhere else full time, hasn´t he?"

Sara was dumbstruck. Grissom was thinking of quitting?

At Sara´s shocked expression Celia grinned, but tried to hide it.

„I´m so sorry Sara,I thought you already knew." She said, mock-sympathetic.

Sara wanted to slap her in the face. And then kick Grissom´s butt. She needed to get out of there.

„Tell Gil I wasn´t feeling well and got a cab home."

With that she stood up and walked out.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **I am so, so sorry it took me so long to update this, but my life was really, really stressful the last few months. I hope I´ll be able to update more regularly now that I´ve finished school!

This chapter is dedicated to all the reader´s who are still with me :-)

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Part 7:

Grissom returned to a dark hotel room. He didn´t turn the lights on, just shed his jacket and walked over to the bed where he could make out Sara´s still form.

She was still dressed in her crimson dress, having fallen asleep on the sheet-covered bed. Her make-up was smeared under her eyes and her cheeks were still damp.

Celia hadn´t exactly told him what had happened, she´d just mentioned that Sara had taken a cab back to the hotel, so he went home not knowing what to expect.

It was definetely not this. He had expected an angry Sara, not a crumpled one, sleeping on the bed, exhausted from crying.

„Sara," he whispered, leaning down and stroking her cheek softly.

She sighed and pulled away immediately, turning away from him.

„Sara," he tried again, this time touching her back lightly.

„Go away," She murmured, her voice still heavy with sleep but determined nontheless.

„No. We need to talk."

„I don´t want to talk." She was waking up now and getting angry again. How could he have lied to her? Well, not exactly lied, but close enough.

„I don´t know what Celia told you, but I´m sure it´s not worth crying over." Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed.

„Sara tell me, what did she say that upset you so much?"

_As if Celia was the problem,_ Sara thought angrily.

„You´re thinking about quitting your job and taking a teaching position at UNLV."

There, she´d spat it out, right in his face.

„Sara...I..." He fished around for words to say, but came up with no response. Her tone was accusatory and he couldn't blame her.

„See, we don´t need to talk, because there´s nothing to say to that. You have told her, you haven´t told me. End of story." Sara got up, not looking back at Grissom as she walked into the bathroom.

„I´m going to take a shower."

She grumbled, before the door slammed shut behind her.

_Way to go, Gil._

He could have lived with the fact that she was angry. She had every right to be.

He should have told her the minute the thought of quitting crossed his mind since it was not a matter that only concerned his future.

He hadn´t really thought about the fact that it would be a big change for them both if he started a new job. Especially since everything would be changing for them completely soon enough.

The Sara that greeted him after her shower was not angry, but looked sad. And disappointed.

He´d hurt her again. Maybe now he´d blown his chance with her for good.

She didn´t talk to him while she walked over to the bed and lay down.

She didn´t talk to him the whole night, although both were wide awake. He could tell by her breathing that she wasn´t asleep and from time to time her breathing would hitch as if she wanted to say something but in the end she stayed quiet.

It was the first night they spent in one bed but didn´t cuddle. It was the first time they slept together but didn´t share a kiss goodnight.

The next morning when Grissom woke up after only one hour of sleep Sara was already up, showered and changed.

„I´m going for a walk," she announced as Grissom opened his eyes and the door swung shut behind her with a thud.

Grissom got up too, taking time to shower and get dressed. But she still wasn´t back when he was ready and he wondered where she´d gone.

What should he say to her when she got back? How should he apologize?

This was the last day they had together before Sara would go back to Vegas...He had to make things right with her again.

She returned and he could immediately see that her eyes were red from crying and her cheeks were streaked with dried tears mixed with her eye make-up.

She didn´t say a word, just sighed when she saw him sitting on the couch in the middle of the room and went passed him to hang up her coat in the closet and retrieve her suitcase.

„Sara..." He got up quickly and followed her.

She had to listen to him, she had to let him explain.

But instead of turning around and looking at him she started to pack up the few things she had brought with her to Williamstown.

„I can get an early flight back, I checked with the airline already." She stated, her voice devoid of any emotion.

„No, honey..." He grabbed her arm from behind, not violently but hard enough so that she stopped packing and finally looked up at him.

„Let me explain." He was desperate to make her stay, even if only for a few more hours. But she shook her head again.

„I know what you´ll say. But it doesn´t make it any better. Grissom, you don´t trust me...at least not at the moment. That´s okay...I mean...We can fix it, sometime in the future. But not now. Not when I will leave in a few hours anyway and you´ll stay here for God knows how long...You need to get yourself straightened out again, before we can straighten this thing between us out." She´d obviously thought about this and it hurt him that this was the conclusion she´d come up with.

„But, we won´t have much time when..."

He trailed off, motioning to her protruding belly.

„I know," She sighed sadly, „We´ve never had very good timing when it came to problems in our relationship, but there´s nothing we can do about that right now."

She zipped up her suitcase quickly.

„My plane leaves in two hours, I should get going so that I have enough time to check in."

„I´ll take you there." He took the suitcase off her hands and made his way to the door, his posture slumped indicating his unwillingness, but his expression unreadable as always.

„But you don´t have a car..."

„I can go back by cab."

No words were said the whole ride to the airport.

„So, what does this mean?"Grissom asked, once Sara had checked in her suitcase and it was time for her to board the plane.

„It means you´ll take your time here and I´ll wait for you at...at home."

She gave him a small smile. „Griss, this is not a break-up, it´s just...we can still talk, you know? You can call me and I can call you. But we obviously need to rebuild our trust in each other -- which I thought we´d already done over the last year, but I was obviously wrong," she was not exactly angry or accusing, but her voice still conveyed the pain she felt at his betrayal.

„I trust you Sara," Grissom whispered, cupping her face in his hands, the first intimate contact they´d had since their fight yesterday. This time she didn´t pull back but leaned into his touch slightly. „It was just...I don´t know why I didn´t tell you about my plans." He looked down, feeling obviously guilty.

„See, I thought we were at a point were we´d tell each other everything, at least things like that...Anyway, let´s not talk about this now." She looked down for a moment willing the tears that were threatening to fall away.

„I love you." Grissom whispered, leaning down to kiss her cheek softly.

„I love you too." Sara turned her head slightly and kissed him softly.

He pulled her closer, not wanting to let her go.

„See you when you get back." Sara murmured as she disenganged herself from the safety of his arms and turned away.

„I´ll miss you."

But she was walking away fast and he was not sure she´d heard him.

He had to fix himself soon. He couldn´t be without her for much longer.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thanks to all those who reviewed and are still reading this story. I hope you´ll enjoy this chapter (and leave a review ;-) )!

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Part 8:

The first few days back were hard for Sara.

The nights at work were slow as no major crime was committed to keep the nightshift crew busy for very long and Catherine looked out for Sara to quit work on time.

Even if she´d wanted to stay longer and work overtime she would probably have fallen asleep in the lab which would have made her other colleagues suspicious.

She already had the feeling that at least Warrick sensed what was going on but didn´t want to confront her and to be honest she knew she couldn´t keep her secret much longer.

When she´d voiced her concerns to Grissom one evening he´d just sighed deeply.

„We can´t keep it a secret forever, Sara." His voice seemed odd as he´d said it and soon afterwards he´d pretended he had to go somewhere important and hung up. And again Sara had felt left alone like so many times during the past few months.

After ten days of being back in Vegas alone Grissom told her he´d return home soon. He´d told the dean of Williams College he´d be leaving for Vegas in a month at the latest. He would be fine by then, he assured her.

„What will happen once you get back?" Sara had asked him, not really knowing if she was referring to their relationship or his job.

„I don´t know yet. I´ll just...I´ll try to get back into work and if...I can´t do it anymore I´ll probably quit." He had admitted quietly.

She knew how hard it was for him to tell her that he really considered quitting, but she was thankful that now he seemed to be able to trust her with that information, even if it still stung that he´d not done so in the first place.

„UNLV would probably be happy to have you as a lecturer." She´d ventured, trying to cheer him up.

„Yeah, probably. But we´ll see."

He´d quickly changed the subject and they´d talked for more than two hours about anything and nothing, just as on their first date.

And for the first time in weeks, Sara smiled when she came into work.

She arrived just in time for assignments.

„Ah Sara, there you are. It´s a slow night so far, Warrick and Greg are already out on an attempted arson, Nick and I still have evidence to process from our hit and run. Why don´t you finish up on your paperwork until something new comes in?"

She didn´t know if Catherine kept her at the lab on purpose. She´d done that a lot lately, Sara noticed.

But althougth it somehow annoyed her she just smiled and nodded.

„Alright."

After four hours of straight working Sara had finally finished up all of her paperwork from the last few weeks and went to the breakroom for her so-called lunch.

Her back ached, like it had for most of the day and she figured a break would do her good and maybe some stretching would ease her sore muscles.

But before she made it to the breakroom, Mandy stopped her in the hallway.

„Sara!" She called out from afar, waving at her.

„Hey Mandy, what´s up?" Sara asked, smiling back at the labtech.

„A package arrived for you just a few minutes ago. It´s at reception."

„Thanks."

Walking to the front of the building Sara wondered whom the package could be from. Maybe Grissom had sent her something...But that wasn´t really his style. Although during the first few weeks of their relationship she´d occasionally received flowers from him at home, when he had court or they couldn´t see each other for other reasons.

Curiouslyshe approached the reception area and was handed the package which was quite big. There was no adress of the sender which was kind of strange. But of course Grissom wouldn´t write his adress and name on the box. Judy would have gotten suspicious and soon there´d be rumors spreading all through the lab.

Taking the box to the breakroom she put it down and got a knife to open it.

What would Grissom send her? And to the lab of all places.

He probably figured that she was spending most of her time there, not wanting to be at home alone.

Well he couldn´t know that Catherine took care that she went home for at least 8 hours a day...

She finally got open the lid which was taped down pretty tightly and swung it open.

What she saw made the blood freeze in her veins.

A miniature model of their townhouse, every detail in place, even the sonogram pictures she´d hung up on the fridge were copied and hanging on the miniature model of it.

And on the living room floor was a doll, belly protruding, her throat slit. And blood all over the floor...

Sara screamed, taking a step back from the doll house.

No, no, no, no, no...

A sharp pain shot through her lower abdomen and she had to bent over, a yelp of pain escaping her throat.

„Sara?" Nick´s worried voice seeped into her consciousness as she fell to the floor, the pain making her unable to stand any longer.

„Sara, what´s wrong?" He shouted, concern written all over his face as he knelt down beside her.

„There..." Her voice trailed off and she only just succeeded in pointing at the package on the table, before her vision became blurry.

Nick´s eyes fell on the miniature scene, but he couldn´t make sense of it all.

„Ssh, honey..." He tried to sooth as she clamped her hands over her stomach. „Tell me what´s wrong. Are you in pain?"

„Oh my God, Nick what happened?" Catherine came storming into the room, kneeling down next to Sara also.

„I don´t know."

„Sara, where does it hurt?" Catherine asked, trying to calm herself, so her voice didn´t sound too hysterical.

„My belly..." Sara took in a sharp breath, another wave of pain shooting through her violently.

„Contractions?"

„I don´t know...The doctor said everything was alright when I saw her on Tuesday..." Sara pressed out between clenched teeth.

Nick threw an incredilous look at Catherine. Sara was pregnant and she of all people knew about it?

„You need to calm down honey, we´ll call an ambulance."

She got out her cell. „Nick, go get Doc Robbins here. I don´t know how long they´ll be."

Nick ran off to get Robbins while Catherine made the call quickly.

„They´ll be here as soon as they can, but there was a car crash with more than twenty cars involved on the strip so it may take a while. Just try to relax Sara." Catherine tried too sooth, stroking Sara´s hand, to calm her.

„Cath, you need to call Grissom." Sara got out, her voice strained.

„Grissom?"

„Call him, he needs to get back to Vegas." A tear ran down Sara´s cheek.

Finally the pieces began to fall into place for Catherine.

Sara´s behaviour the last few weeks, her leave over Christmas...She would kick Grissom´s butt over this, that was for sure. How could he leave her alone in this situation?

„I´ll call him as soon as you´re on your way to the hospital, okay?"

Sara nodded, more tears wetting her cheeks.

„Just try to breath calmly honey."

Sara nodded again, taking a deep breath and trying to calm herself.

„You need to...take a look at that...he was at our house...he knows what our rooms look like..." Sara pressed out, the pain and the fear for her baby making it difficult to form a coherent sentence.

„Take a look at what honey?" Catherine asked, concerned.

„The model..." Sara pointed up to the table where the package with the miniature crime scene was still placed.

„Oh my..." Catherine muttered under her breath, ctaching a glimpse of it.

No wonder Sara was so upset that she´d get contractions...

„Where is she?" Doc Robbins entered the room, a worried looking Nick behind him.

„Sara?" Robbins knelt down beside her, where Catherine had abandonned her place to switch sides to give the doctor better access.

„Where does it hurt?" He asked, his voice soft and calm.

Sara pointed to her lower abdomen, laying her hand just beneath her navel.

Doc Robbins gently removed it to replace it with his own hands, feeling her belly carefully.

„Did you experience any spotting lately?"

Sara shook her head no.

„Any pre-contractions?"

„No, but my back has been aching all day." Sara answered truthfully. How could she not have seen that as a sign? She could have slapped herself.

„How far along are you?"

„23 weeks."

Robbins face grew dark as he considered the situation but he tried to recover his concerned expression to a neutral one quickly.

„Can you tell me how long apart the contractions hit? And how long they last?" His demeanor was still totally professional.

„I don´t know." Another contraction hit and Sara´s face crunched up in pain.

„I don´t think there is a rhythm." Catherine answered, having spent the last few minutes with her.

„Alright. Have you called an ambulance?"

„Yes, they said they´d be here as fast as they can."

„Good. Then the only thing we can do is wait," Doc Robbins sighed, praying for the paramedics to get there quickly.

Grissom checked his watch one more time. It was 3 in the morning and he couldn´t sleep...nothing too unusual in general but after having slept only 2 hours the previous night he would have expected to be tired.

Even with all the different thoughts swirling around his head he needed to get a few hours of sleep or he would not be able to make it through his lecture the next day.

Would he be able to sleep if Sara was next to him? Probably. And that was where his problem lay.

He needed her. More than he needed to eat or drink or _breathe_ for that matter. But still he was in Massachusetts, separated from her by a whole continent. What was he thinking not going back to Vegas with her straight after her visit?

The feeling of loneliness was now worse than before and he felt bad for not having fully reconciled with her before her departure.

He´d not spoken to Celia since his sudden leave from the restaurant and honestly he didn´t intend to talk to her at all for the rest of his stay.

He was not sure if it was her intention to make Sara and him fight or if it was just a slip of the tongue when she told Sara about his current state of mind, but still he resented her for it, even if it had been unintended. She should have known better...But that wasn´t quite right and he knew it.

The truth was, _he_ should have known better. Period. He should have known better than to lie to his girlfriend, to the only person that trusted him completely and loved him despite all his quirks.

If he were in her position he would feel betrayed too.

He sighed deeply. It was definitely time to get some sleep.

When he was just about to drift off his cell phone rang, replacing the pleasant dream that was about to form with the harsh reality that he was still alone in his hotel room in Williamstown and had only a few hours until it was time to get up again.

„Grissom," he grumbled, picking up after the fifth ring.

„Gil, I would love to tell you what a jerk you are right now, but we don´t have the time. You need to catch the next plane to Vegas and get here immediately..."Catherine rambled as soon as he´d uttered his name.

„What's wrong?" Grissom asked, alerted by the hysterical tone in her voice.

„I´ll explain it to you when you get here, just get to the damn airport NOW. And call me when you're back in Vegas and I´ll send someone to pick you up." With that she hung up.

Grissom sat upright in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

He sensed panic rising in him. Catherine wouldn´t have called and sounded so panicked if it wasn´t something serious that had happened. Maybe something was wrong with Sara...she could have been attacked at a crime scene...

He needed to get to Vegas immediately. He took his cell and started to dial...

His plane landed in Vegas 8 hours later. He had not slept after all and assumed he probably looked like it.

Thankfully Celia had brought him to the airport and helped him to get the next flight that was available thanks to her insistens and various flirt techniques or he would have had to wait for the next flight.

He called Catherine as soon as he´d left the plane and she promised she´d send someone to pick him up ASAP.

He didn´t have to wait long, Brass was there in no time, looking at him with a grim expression.

„Come on, we should hurry," he mumbled without so much as a greeting.

„What happened?" Grissom asked, the panic he felt seeping into his voice. Why was Brass angry at him?

„Get in the car and I´ll explain on the way to the hospital."

The hospital? He got in, buckling up quickly.

„What´s wrong Jim?" The impatients in his voice gave away his concern.

„Sara's in the hospital. Apparantly she´d had contractions for quite a while and didn´t notice it until tonight when she broke down at work. The doctors are trying to stop them, but when I was at the hospital an hour ago the treatment had yet to show any effect." Brass told him calmly.

„Oh my god..." Grissom hands began to shake.

Sara was at the hospital. She had contractions...she could lose their baby. At 23 weeks it would not be able to live if it was born...He couldn´t let that happen.

„Is somebody with her?" He asked, as calmly as he could. But Brass wasn´t deceived. His friend was seriously shaken. And he couldn´t say he felt any sympathy for him.

He´d left Sara alone to go on a sabbatical when she was pregant...He knew Grissom was emotionally oblivious sometimes but he´d thought he would have known better...

„Catherine is with her most of the time."

„When I called her..."

„She was outside to talk to Nick and Warrick. They had to get back to the lab to process something." He didn´t mention the miniature model yet. It would probably be too much for Grissom right now and he wanted him to be able to fully concentrate on Sara.

„Oh..." Grissom didn´t know what to say. His thoughts were racing.

What if they lost their baby? Was he responsable for this? Pregnant women often gave premature birth in situations of stress. Had his behaviour upset her this much?

„Get out here, I´ll go park the car." Brass broke into his thoughts. They were in front of Desert Palms.

How had they gotten here so fast?

It was all a blurr from there on. The receptionist telling him where he had to go, Catherine meeting him in the waiting room and leading him to the room Sara was in, all the while telling him what a jerk he was...

The sight of Sara, laying on the hospital bed, hands on her belly, her cheeks streaked with tears made his heart break. He´d done this to her.

„Honey..." He made his way into the room quickly, seating himself on the edge of the bed. „I´m here now." He took her hand into his, stroking the back of it with his thumb in a soothing motion.

A sob escaped Sara´s chest at the sight of him and new tears began to form in her eyes.

„Gil...I..."

„Ssh, it´s okay. It´s going to be okay." He stroked her cheek softly with his free hand, willing her to calm down.

„I don´t want to lose our baby..." She whispered, squeezing his hand tightly.

„You won´t lose our baby." Grissom squeezed her hand in return, „It´s going to be okay. The medication will kick in eventually," he promised, although he knew after so many hours it was highly unlikely.

„Have the contractions gotten weaker?" He asked, hopeful.

Sara nodded slightly, „But they say if they don´t stop completely until noon they will have to get the baby out."

Sobs wracked her body now and Grissom didn´t know how to console her.

„Ssh..." he whispered again, „It´s going to be okay. The baby is going to be okay," he repeated as if his words might make it true.

The truth was he had never been so scared in his entire life and he was not at all sure if the baby would be alright or if they might lose it.

But no matter what happened he knew he would be at Sara´s side all the way through it. That, he´d promised himself.

TBC


End file.
